There is a group of needy people that I wanted to talk about. This group is a very large group; In fact this group encompasses well over a billion people world wide, yet is largely hidden from society. I am talking about victims of childhood abuse. How can we reach them and help them? Those that have been abused, hide it - they don't advertise it. Childhood abuse causes a loss of trust, a battering of self esteem, shame, guilt, eating disorders, prostitution, substance abuse, suicide and much more.

DID YOU KNOW:

• A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds
• About five children die everyday due to child abuse, 75% are under four years old
• Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, crosses all ethnic and cultural lines, is found within all religions and at all levels of education.
• 31% percent of women in prison in the United States were abused as children.
• Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child.
• About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder.
• 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before 18
• 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before 18
• 1 in 5 children are solicited on the internet
• 70% of all sexual assaults are perpetrated on children 17 and under
• There are 39 million child abuse survivors in the USA today

These horrible childhood abuses bring about other issues later in life. Many times when we are working with someone, we don't realize that the underlining issue was abuse. We may be trying to treat the symptoms that come later but if we just deal with the symptoms (attitudes, behavioral problems) at face value, we can do more harm than good. People who have seen or experienced a very traumatic, difficult or emotional situation have to deal with grief and it can take many years to work through the emotional trauma. These traumas can leave very deep scars.

Children have very unique ways to survive these abusive situations. Many times they bury the trauma deep inside them as they don't have the mental maturity or ability to deal with it. The adults placed in their lives to be the protectors and ones who can be trusted, have instead hurt them and then lied to them told them that it was all the child's fault; they are degraded and abused by the very ones they need for nurture, love and safety. Because they just can't physically, mentally or emotionally deal with it, many times they bury it or block it out. Later, as an adult, when they are in a better state of mind to handle the trauma, the memories will begin to come back, at which point they will have to start dealing with it.

If a child of ours is bullied, we comfort them, we deal with the situation and everything is put in place. But a child that is abused, doesn't usually have this support. They do not know who they can trust. Many times if they try to tell others about what is happening they are not believed.

Child abuse is usually ongoing and these children have nowhere to hide or retreat to. Therefore they are constantly in a flight or fight, self protection mode. When you are in a flight/fight mode, your brain cannot use its creative learning ability, so the child can have problems in school. It can also effect them developmentally making it difficult for them to mature at the same pace as their peers.

And as the child grows he will begin to seek outside the home, for the love and attention he so desperately needs. This can cause him to make foolish decisions and get into bad situations and become easy to prey upon by other predators. They are set up to become victims of more abuse outside the home.

I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

This was Paul's final instruction to Ephesus, knowing he wouldn't see them again, and he only mentions the weak. Jesus taught us to go out and gather the lame, the halt and the maim. Paul and Jesus were very aware of abuse, as it was prevalent in their time due to the many slaves that had always been abused.

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men. 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15

An adult takes advantage of a child, the child is blamed and told it was their fault- they are told that they are bad. If that is all you know as a child, what else will you believe? And as the child grows, there will be many weaknesses and feeblemindedness.

We need to do more than deal with the symptoms; We need to pray and ask God to help us understand the underlying problem.

Paul instructs us to:

• comfort the feebleminded
• support the weak
• be patient
• not get upset

Many of those who have gone through childhood abuse have held it all inside for many years. When they come to a place of tenderness inside and begin to open up to what has happened, it is a very critical time and so crucial that they are treated well and that they are not retraumatized again by our negligence and thoughtlessness.

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. 2 Timothy 2: 24-26

These ones are often their own worse enemy, because they have been brainwashed that they are horrible. They often feel like the worst of society. They are easily taken advantage of and easily drawn back into sinful things. They can be saved; God will forgive them. But there will be a lot of work for them to deal with what has happened to them, and we need to be willing to be very patient and seek God's wisdom to help them.

For further reading on this subject:

Experience brings Wisdom

Child Abuse- A Hidden Injury

Understanding the Mindset Of Abuse Victims

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written by a guest, July 14, 2010

These are some very good thoughts on childhood abuse and the need for ones who are willing to reach out to them through the love of God and show them that they are not to blame, they are lovable, they are worth everything in the eyes of God and they are NOT to blame for the abuse that the perpetrator put on them. Thank the Lord for a God who see's all and for a God of compassion! It is so important that we as Christians don't judge by what we see but rather "love" and "long suffer" with those that GOD has chosen to SAVE and let God work with them. Let God love them. Thanks for sharing.

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written by a guest, July 15, 2010

Very good thoughts & very eye-opening! Thanks for sharing this!!!

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written by a guest, July 19, 2010

People who have been abused are very vulnerable to many things. One thing I noticed in myself for years is the tendency to latch on a strong personality type and take on their characteristics, because, when you are abused, you are not allowed to "be" The commonality if abusive relationships is that the abuser does not allow the abused to be or feel. They are constantly told that their feelings and their likes and dislikes have no validation, and they are trained through the abuse to be a "people pleaser" in order try and avoid more abuse. Furthermore, they are deprived of any real love and affection- what they do get is usually very distorted. People who come from severe abuse backgrounds are extremely vulnerable. The root of our vulnerableness is a desperate need to be LOVED! However- we do not even know exactly what that means since proper love has never been demonstrated to us. Like stated above- we seek it in very unhealthy ways. But when we get saved we begin to learn- in my case, I was drawn to the Lord by love. But we have had years and they were all our formidable years- of perverse love.
We are extremely sensitive to criticism and hurtful sarcasm and are easily crushed by thoughtless words- like a former pastor of mine used to say, "Most of what people consider to be 'constructive' criticism ends up to be 'destructive' criticism." Because I work so hard and put my heart into what I do and am so eager to please. Children in abusive environments are also blamed for the abusers bad moods or bad lot in life- it is taken out on them. The message they receive their whole upbringing is essentially, "I am in this bad mood because of you- You are bad. You did something bad. If you were out of the picture, my life would be so much better." These messages don't just go away because you are saved. The guilt of sin does, but the sensitivity, the feelings of inferiority and worthlessness fight us every tiny step of the way. Therefore when someone is upset or aloof, I automatically think I have done something wrong- I ever feel like love is being taken away from me again.
I can be child-like and carefree in my happiness, but I am very vulnerable to being crushed- stepped on and completely heart broken. That is not to say I want people to walk on eggshells around me- but to just make ones more aware- its just a fact of our life- I personally feel frustrated with my sensitivity and work hard on it, but it is not an easy task.

So I guess the sum of it all: LOVE- we lacked it, we crave it, we fear it being taken away, and we have a hard time trusting it!

But oh, my, how desperately hungry we are for love!

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written by a guest, July 19, 2010

Having been on both sides of this fence, now as a Christian, I want to be effective working with people who have been wounded by child and or spousal abuse.

It is important to know that these people are incredibly vulnerable. They are feeble minded in the sense that they can not discern what love is or sometimes how and when to express love. They can mistake kindness for personal love or interest in them. They respond the only way they know. The Christian can keep the relationship on an even keel, mindful of this weakness, realizing that the attraction is not to our- self but to the love of God expressed through us. And this, after all, is what we want. We want them to see and know Jesus.

Another trait or weakness is an inordinate sense of responsibility. Some people's perception of how and what they are responsible for, can be distorted. Growing up they may have been made to feel responsible for the harmony in the home because when things went wrong the adult took out their rage on the child, making them feel the burden for things a child should not carry, they may have been blamed, berated and made to feel worthless. This is distortion, they carry into adult life, manifests itself by a need to fix relationships, situations, feeling responsible for other peoples decision. Longsuffering is needed in helping them understand that they are not responsible for situations, or other people’s actions or reaction; things that are out of their control.
I appreciate this lesson and the help I received

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